I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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