i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
