what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the raccoons are back...
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