why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
