i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
