oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.