By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
smell my finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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