I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Wow word travels fast.
You smell like stripper and shame
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?