A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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