I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
