So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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