the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
