So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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