i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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