I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
