Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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