Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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