She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
