jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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