She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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