I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
