Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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