he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
