I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
