just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
