My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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