just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
