I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize