Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
