I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
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Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
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I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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