"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
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I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
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I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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