so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
