I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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