I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
