Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
