I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
