I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize