i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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