still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
