gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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