my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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