Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Let's get the cat blown out
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
