I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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