Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
