hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My liver is preforming stress tests.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
FUCK WHALES
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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