pop tarts are not kleenex
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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