are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
