Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
