I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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