I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
