i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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