Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
