Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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