I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
