I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
lying in bed pretending to be a slug