He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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