I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs