i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
