i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
