I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
