yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
