tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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