I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
