when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
