Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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