Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize