I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
