i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
