I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
