I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
