Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
